These are the thoughts of my eight year old son upon watching Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet (1996);
Romeo is a dumb name.
Explosions are cool.
So where’s Rosaline then?
Is that Rosaline?
What about her?
Wait, not in the whole movie? That doesn’t make any sense.
Hey, that’s Ant-Man!
Can we get a fish tank?
Is this a movie about sex?
Is strip-tease a sex thing? I heard it from kids at school.
Romeo should just shoot that guy.
Yeah, I think it’s true love. It has to be because they fall in love in a day.
How long do you have to fall in love to be healthy then?
Can we get a swimming pool?
Do you need a licence to shoot fish?
How can her parents pick who she marries? Can you pick who I marry?
The olden days were messed up.
Juliet should shoot Ant-Man.
Can we watch Ant-Man?
Are there blueberry muffins in this movie?
When were blueberry muffins invented then?
Why don’t you know?
Can I have a blueberry muffin?
Why doesn’t Romeo just use a phone?
I think he should have stuck with Rosaline even if she was invisible.
Wait, is that it? Are they both dead?
WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS MOVIE
I DON’T WANT TO WATCH A TRAGEDY IF IT HAS A SAD ENDING
YOU SUCK