“Isn’t it time you got a job, Tara?” yelled Wendy from the kitchen.
Tara clenched her fists and her nostrils flared as she tried to control her breathing. Her head was throbbing from the binge drinking session with Will last night. She’d taken Will’s advice to drown her sorrows literally. Her credit card took a beating from shouting drinks for half the bar and her aunt’s yelling felt like a bowling ball was rolling back and forth in her skull.
She took a deep breath and yelled back into the kitchen.
“I have an interview on Tuesday!”
“You seem to go to a lot of interviews, love.”
The barb stung Tara and her cheeks turned blotchy red.
“Tom and I had such high hopes for you Tara. You were such a bright child.”
The family has replaced the ‘Bright Child’ label with “Strange Child” in Grade Four. A tear escaped down the side of her face, as she wrestled with the guilt and shame that these conversations evoked.
“One… two… three…” She counted as she forced the air in and out of her lungs with her eyes closed.
Wendy chose that moment to re-enter the living room.
“Are you having another…. episode?”
Tara’s stomach tightened. She opened her eyes to see a confused look on Wendy’s face. She’d seen that look a hundred times growing up.
“It’s called meditation, and it helps me to relax,” Tara said, feeling the opposite of relaxed following this exchange!
“It’s just a strange thing to do in the middle of a conversation Tara.” A frown crossed Wendy’s face before she turned and left the room.
Tara would add this exchange to a series of uncomfortable conversations with family members over the years. She’s always been the black sheep of the family which she’s come to accept early in life. The thing that really pissed her off, was that the family never tried to see things from her perspective. They cast a blanket of judgement over her head and hoped she’d simply disappear!
Tara did what any strong twenty-eight year old female would do; exactly the opposite of what they wanted! She intentionally used her bright mismatched clothing to draw attention to herself when she was in the company of her extended family. The fire engine red beanie with two pom poms was a classic example. It was a completely unnecessary piece of clothing to wear on a 28 degree day in Melbourne. Her face was bright red from overheating. And yet, she was completely satisfied with the effort, when Wendy’s gaze halted on the top of her head this morning. She imagined it would have been the same reaction if she was wearing reindeer antlers.
“Now, that’s a thought,” mused Tara adding the idea to her memory bank.