“Don’t look at me like that,” I said.
He moved closer, looking at me directly. That unnerved me even more.
“Kaz,” he said seriously.
“Yeah, that’s me.”
“I’ve been thinking,” he said.
“Whatever for?” I quipped back at him.
“I think I love you.”
My eyes widened and my breath stopped momentarily.
“Vinney don’t be so stupid, you hardly know me.”
“Kaz, I know you enough to see that you’re a strong, powerful and beautiful woman.”
“Well that just proves it, you obviously have no idea who I am. What brought on this silliness anyway?” I said, to lighten the mood.
He looked stunned; his brow creased as he scrunched up his face. I took in a deep breath not knowing what to say next. My best friend, who I thought was gay, was coming on to me and had some weird idea I was this amazing woman of his dreams.
“Come on, let’s get a wine and enjoy the show,” I said.
“How can you be so dismissive Kaz?”
He contemplated me fully with a hurt look in his eyes.
He turned away from me, his shoulders slumped. I waited. I could see he was breathing deeply and thought, wait, he is serious. He turned around, his eyes were emotional, oh my god, I thought, he looked really upset. Now what?
“Look,” I said, “I’m sorry, I love you as my friend that’s all.”
“Friends can become lovers you know.”
He was scowling now.
“You’re freaking me out Vinnney,” I said.
He paused purposefully.
“Why can’t you imagine me loving you Kaz?”
His dark eyes held mine.
I squirmed uncomfortably. Shit, shit, shit, not this, not now.
“Can we get our wine, find our seats and talk about this later?” I said as calmly as I could.
I was shaking to the core and couldn’t let him see this. I breathed slowly just like my counsellor had shown me. In, out, in, out, and averted my eyes pretending there was something happening behind him.
“I’m just going to the loo, see you in a bit,” I said.
I needed some space.
When I returned, he smiled at me briefly and turned towards the bar. He bought us two glasses of Chablis, handed me mine, gazed at me seriously and said nothing. I gave him the money for the wine. We walked into the auditorium; it was filling fast. We squeezed past the people in our row trying not to spill our very full glasses. Sitting down he turned to me.
“Kaz, I’ve been intrigued with you since the day I met you, you came into my life unexpectedly, I didn’t want a relationship, but then this happened. I don’t know what else to say to you, it’s just how I feel.”
I could not look at him and chose, instead, to stare at the beautiful gold and red velvet curtain. Vinney was eight years younger than me; and was out of bounds for so many reasons, I thought he was a safe friend, gay or not. I had been on my own for over twenty years, I just wanted friendship. I had given up on love a long time ago, too much hurt, too much pain to go there again.
“Vinney, I can’t talk about this now.”
He was looking at me intently.
“Another time then?” he said and turned away.
And maybe never, I thought.
I spent a long time studying that curtain and wished the show would start. I stole a look at him sitting there quietly, he was very cute, oh no don’t do this. l did enjoy hanging out with him, we laughed heaps and behaved like silly teenagers sometimes. We had become good friends quickly after he had sauntered into my life with his cute black beret and endearing smile. He had a weird sense of humour, was a sculptor and my intellectual match. He intrigued me. He became my bestie.
The curtain raised slowly, the lights dimmed gradually, and the audience became quiet.
The love story on the stage and in my heart was about to begin.