{"id":581,"date":"2022-03-01T14:05:49","date_gmt":"2022-03-01T04:05:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=581"},"modified":"2022-08-04T19:18:08","modified_gmt":"2022-08-04T09:18:08","slug":"this-one-time-i-couldve-been-killed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=581","title":{"rendered":"This One Time I Could&#8217;ve Been Killed"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">This one time, many years ago, when I was an inner city hipster, my partner Dan and I are out having a drink and a bash at pool at our local pub.&nbsp; The drinks and <em>joie de vivre<\/em> flow.&nbsp; Our pool shots are all dropping and none of the likely lads challenging could beat us.&nbsp; In the end we stop on our terms and let them have the table, after all we just wanted to play each other not these plonkers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">So, full of beer and victory we wander off home down the back streets of Richmond. Getting out my keys I open the front gate and see the door is open!&nbsp; Just as I\u2019m thinking, <em>who left the door open? <\/em>a scrawny youth comes out of said door with some electrical equipment under his arms, closely followed by a young woman of unnaturally yellow hair, carrying some extra bits and bobs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">Face to face with our robbers caught in the act, instinct takes over.&nbsp; Dan yells \u201cPut it down!\u201d to the scrawny one, who does what he\u2019s told.&nbsp; The yellowy one runs for the high front fence attempting to jump over it.&nbsp; I chase her pull her down and shove her up against it screaming \u201cYou\u2019re not going anywhere!!\u201d Or something equally as cop show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">When they realise the jig\u2019s up the scrawny guy starts jibbering about the door being open, as if that\u2019s a good reason to steal some stuff.&nbsp; Turns out they\u2019d broken the bedroom door at the back of the house to get in. So liars as well as thieves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">Then Dan\u2019s got the two of them now and I go inside to call the cops.&nbsp; Remember, this was before the time of mobile phones and when video players were something worth stealing.&nbsp; I scream when I see the mess inside.&nbsp; They\u2019ve emptied all the drawers and cupboards all over the house looking for something more readily exchangeable.&nbsp; It actually looks worse than it is, but by now I\u2019m feeling a bit jittery!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">When I come back out Dan is lighting up a cigarette.&nbsp; Ever the gentleman he offers one to scrawny guy, who takes it.&nbsp; Strange things happen when the adrenaline is pumping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">There\u2019s no waiting on the fuzz with this <em>hot burg<\/em>.&nbsp; Only moments later many pairs of boots come thundering down the street and suddenly the tiny front yard is full of coppers.&nbsp; One takes the cigarette from the scrawny guy\u2019s mouth and butts it out on the ground.&nbsp; <em>It\u2019s all over for you Sunshine<\/em>, says the Cockney voice inside my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-sitebg-background-color has-background wp-block-paragraph\">Debriefing later, we wondered if our citizens arrest was possibly slightly foolish.&nbsp; I mean they could have had guns, or knives at the very least.&nbsp; Or more cronies inside looking for a fight.&nbsp; Ah, the confidence of youth\u2026. and beer.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This one time, many years ago, when I was an inner city hipster, my partner Dan and I are out having a drink and a &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":584,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[120],"tags":[9,128,126,41,127,58,10],"class_list":["post-581","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-memory-book","tag-amanda-gambas","tag-cop-shows","tag-crime","tag-melbourne","tag-richmond","tag-thisonetime","tag-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/joaquin-paz-y-mino-OAM2cNo5U9U-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=1920%2C2560&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pff1uY-9n","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1693,"url":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=1693","url_meta":{"origin":581,"position":0},"title":"Down But Not Out By The Docks","author":"Amanda Gambas","date":"July 12, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Baker sits alone in a filthy bedsit, in the gritty, down and out area by the docks. 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I wouldn't be in here if it wasn't. The warm, still evenings don't rile up the patrons. And if there's less tension in the air, there's less chance of me getting a free feed. Because you see, at the Dancing Pig Inn you always\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Stories&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Stories","link":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?cat=5"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/natalia-nikolaieva-5Wachzwq59w-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/natalia-nikolaieva-5Wachzwq59w-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/natalia-nikolaieva-5Wachzwq59w-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/natalia-nikolaieva-5Wachzwq59w-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/natalia-nikolaieva-5Wachzwq59w-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3743,"url":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=3743","url_meta":{"origin":581,"position":5},"title":"Wanting A Different World","author":"Jim Reiher","date":"August 4, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Coming down the creaking stairs, thirteen-year-old Mark was sliding his hand along the banister that was well overdue for a fresh coat of paint. 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