{"id":4799,"date":"2025-01-17T18:15:51","date_gmt":"2025-01-17T08:15:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=4799"},"modified":"2025-01-17T18:15:51","modified_gmt":"2025-01-17T08:15:51","slug":"to-valhalla","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=4799","title":{"rendered":"To Valhalla!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u2018We can\u2019t do it,\u2019 says Roman, wiping his tears. \u2018It\u2019s too hard. I\u2019m telling Mum.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018No! We promised Grandad,\u2019 says his twin Rommy. \u2018But, how can we get him down the stairs?\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018The kayak,\u2019 says cousin George.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018We know about the kayak, \u2026Ohhh!\u2019 says Rommy, \u2018we bring it here, and kayak him down the staircase!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Everyone quiet! It\u2019ll all be ruined if the olds wake-up\u2019. George pokes a finger to where their parents are sleeping. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The extended family has gathered in their childhood home to farewell the Patriarch, or Grandad as the kids know him, before he dies, which he did, minutes ago, with the children by his side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

George curls a finger to Rommy to join him, before raising an arm above his head, and forward, commando-style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Great,\u2019 says Roman, pissy at being excluded, \u2018not just body snatchers, we\u2019re in the bloody army now.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

George points to Grandad, then waves his hands up and down his body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Huh?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Prepare him!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Who died and made you king?\u2019 mumbles Roman, as George and Rommy leave Grandad\u2019s room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Distasteful!\u2019 Rommy pokes her head back around the door and glares at Roman before tiptoeing away. They avoid the creaky boards, ingrained in their memory from years of night-time raids in the old house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Roman pulls a musty leather suitcase from under the bed thinking I\u2019m not undressing him<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the other two return carrying Grandad\u2019s beloved kayak, they find he\u2019s dressed for sea burial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Geez, what the hell is that?\u2019 whispers George.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018That, the hell<\/em>, is what he wants to wear,\u2019 says Roman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018It\u2019s a Ceremonial Viking Burial Suit,\u2019 Rommy adds, \u2018that\u2019s a Viking headdress we made with him a year ago.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018It really isn\u2019t<\/em>,\u2019 says George, \u2018but, if that\u2019s what he wants.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They fashion a slide using the bedcover. But, instead of sliding on his back, Grandad rolls, face-planting both on and off the kayak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Shitting fuck!\u2019 says Roman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Shh,\u2019 says Rommy, \u2018you wanna get us into trouble?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Right! Like they\u2019re gonna tells us off for swearing, and not notice the dead mardi gras<\/em> queen we\u2019re illegally dumping?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Shut up you two!\u2019 George straps Grandad to the kayak, using a selection of his belts, from the wardrobe. \u2018You two at the front, and pull!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The kayak slides across the threadbare carpet, but catches at the top of the stairs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Soap!\u2019 Rommy runs to the bathroom, and returns brandishing a can of shaving cream. \u2018Better! It spurts, and it\u2019s really slimy.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With a spray and another push the kayak tips forward. Sliding down the staircase, it builds up speed and rolls to one side. There\u2019s a series of sickening thuds as Grandad\u2019s head contacts the remaining balusters, removing the headdress and partially scalping him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Horrified at the sight, the children race down the stairs and right the craft, dragging and pushing it out the double-doors to the deck, down the five steps, across the lawn, and onto the beach. Grandad\u2019s headdress and a very small part of his head dangling. Fearful of dawn joggers and dog walkers, adrenalin speeds them on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the shoreline, they straighten his headdress and launch the death-ship into the sea. It floats for three metres. Then returns to them on tiny waves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Shit! Oh my days! Shit!\u2019 George looks about the beach, as the joggers, and worse, the dogs start to appear in the golden morning glow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018It\u2019s ok!\u2019 Rommy turns to the boys, with both hands splayed in front of her. \u2018I will be the Valkyrie!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a> She climbs onto grandad\u2019s lap, and paddles out beyond the second break. When she turns back to the beach the boys give her a thumbs up. She rolls into the water, and gives the kayak a final push out to sea, and swims back, finally collapsing onto the sand. Roman pats her back, and George gives more thumbs up, their time of grief to come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rommy, her face wet with salty tears, raises her head and sputters, \u2018To Valhalla!\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018We can\u2019t do it,\u2019 says Roman, wiping his tears. \u2018It\u2019s too hard. I\u2019m telling Mum.\u2019 \u2018No! We promised Grandad,\u2019 says his twin Rommy. \u2018But, how …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":4801,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[9,656,655,154,199,11,653,654],"class_list":["post-4799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stories","tag-amanda-gambas","tag-burial-at-sea","tag-farewell","tag-funeral","tag-grief","tag-story","tag-valhalla","tag-valkyrie"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pff1uY-1fp","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2932,"url":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=2932","url_meta":{"origin":4799,"position":0},"title":"Takeaway","author":"Kel White","date":"November 15, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"My coffee isn't hot enough. 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