Salad: Hey! Looking at me? Trying to lose some weight, huh?
Me: No. Actually. I\u2019m just \u2013 you know, on the road, eaten a lot of deep-fried food. Kinda looking for something grown in nature, you know?
Salad: Say no more! Just for you, here\u2019s a giant basin full of chopped romaine lettuce.
Me: Errrmm. Uh, OK. Yeah.
Salad: You could fit a toddler\u2019s head in that basin.
Me: I believe it.
Salad: But lettuce isn\u2019t much fun by itself, right? So here\u2019s a packet of black beans, corn and chopped tomato. Flavour time!
Me: Oh, that\u2019s better.
Salad: But there\u2019s not enough protein in beans alone. This packet is full of grilled chicken breast, white meat only! Now we\u2019re talking!
Me: Protein is good. Yeah, OK, great salad. Thanks.
Salad: Hold on, you need dressing! Always have to have dressing on a salad. This packet is full of ranch. Tangy, creamy, and only a thousand calories a teaspoon!
Me: Uuh, wait a minute, that\u2019s not \u2013 I mean, all right. I guess I can\u2026
Salad: And of course, here\u2019s your cheese!
Me: What?
Salad: Your packet of salad cheese. It\u2019s not a salad without cheese.
Me: Why would a salad have cheese?
Salad: Sorry, I can\u2019t understand you. Must be the British accent. This is shredded tasty cheese from Wisconsin, and it\u2019s orange! I can\u2019t tell you why the cheese is orange, nobody actually knows.
Me: Right.
Salad: And your packet of bacon!
Me: Oh, for fu –
Salad: No fudge in a salad! Ha, weird tourists. Salads are healthy. And here\u2019s your packet of corn chips.
Me: Why on earth would I need corn chips in a salad?!
Salad: For the crunch! Crisp, crunchy salad!
Me: What about the lettuce? The bacon? Don\u2019t they crunch?
Salad: Not enough.
Me: I\u2019m leaving.
Salad: WAIT! YOU FORGOT YOUR PACKET OF BBQ SAUCE! IT\u2019S DOUBLE-SAUCE TIME!!! SWEET, TANGY BBQ SAUCE FROM A SECRET RECIPE IN SOU-
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Salad: Hey! Looking at me? Trying to lose some weight, huh? Me: No. Actually. I\u2019m just \u2013 you know, on the road, eaten a lot …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4491,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[119,7],"tags":[626,624,623,32,621,622,17,625],"class_list":["post-4488","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-food","category-travelarium","tag-america","tag-argument","tag-double-sauce","tag-humour","tag-salad","tag-trader-joes","tag-travel-writing","tag-usa"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pff1uY-1ao","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2750,"url":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=2750","url_meta":{"origin":4488,"position":0},"title":"Woomargama","author":"Elissa McKay","date":"October 22, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"The problem was Frank. 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*The author would like to acknowledge that the BBQ Chicken Salad from Trader Joe\u2019s Santa Monica is indeed delicious, if pushy.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"