We were standing, waiting to be served, at the front counter of a beautiful colonial-style caf\u00e9. The glass shelves beneath the benchtop were filled with the most tempting assortment of pastries and cakes you could ever imagine. It was a sugar explosion, full of diabetes-inducing delights. On top of that, the building itself was stunning. It was a historic stone edifice with its rustic old stonework for the interior walls. It oozed ambiance. The mudbrick pizza oven in one corner warmed the entire ground floor, and tables and chairs were generously spread out allowing for easy walking and private conversations. Perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We just needed to order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There were a number of staff, but they were clearly busy. Young women (\u2018they look too young to be legally working\u2019 I heard one patron say) were darting between tables, removing items no longer needed, or delivering fresh food and drinks. Others were stocking the display shelves, replacing items that were running low. Finally, one saw us and came over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What would you like?\u2019 she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked over to Ken and nodded a wordless \u2018You go first\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019d really like some eggs on toast I think, and a long black, thanks.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018We can\u2019t do eggs on toast sorry.\u2019 She had an expression of genuine regret that Ken was missing out on his first choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Oh\u2026 okay\u2026 then do you have any kind of egg meal?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Let me give you the menu,\u2019 she said with determination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A large double-sided laminated document the size of the American Declaration of Independence was placed down on the counter under Ken\u2019s gaze. On one side it said \u2018Breakfast\u2019 and on the other side \u2018Lunch\u2019. It was placed \u2018Lunch\u2019 up, and the lady highlighted one item with her index finger. \u2018That has eggs,\u2019 she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ken started reading. \u2018The Big Lunch: two eggs on sour dough, sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes, bacon, baked beans, and hot chips. $24.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I don\u2019t think I could eat that much,\u2019 he noted. I think he was being kind to me since it was my shout. \u2018What about just two eggs on toast?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Unfortunately no, like I mentioned, we can\u2019t do that.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ken is a very polite bloke, and would never insult a waiter. Especially a young lady about the age of my granddaughter, who was clearly trying hard to help us. But he did wonder why he was shown a big egg meal, but there was no option for a \u2018small\u2019 egg meal. He turned the menu over to read the breakfast options. There he found \u2018Two poached eggs on sour dough toast, $13.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like a gold panner who just found a valuable nugget, he exclaimed, \u2018Oh look, you do have it. Here it is here.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yeah, no. That\u2019s the breakfast menu unfortunately.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Is that a problem?\u2019 he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m afraid so: the breakfast menu stops at 11.00 am.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We spontaneously looked at our phones. We had lost track of the time since going to the tip, but we were there for brunch. Was it past 11.00 already?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
11.09.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No exceptions? It\u2019s pretty close?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No, sorry.\u2019 She looked pained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Turning the page back over, Ken looked over the lunch menu once more. \u2018Okay then, I\u2019ll have one of these please.\u2019 He pointed to a Chicken Focaccia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\u2019m sorry, we can\u2019t do the lunch menu.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What do you mean?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The lunch menu doesn\u2019t start until 11.45.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had not spoken up to that point, but that last comment did make me smile. I added my thoughts. \u2018Sooo \u2013 we can\u2019t order from the breakfast menu because it\u2019s after 11, but we can\u2019t order from the lunch menu because it\u2019s not 11.45 yet?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018That\u2019s right,\u2019 said the young lady, seemingly happy that at least one of the two old blokes before her had finally understood the rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018So what can we get in this 45 minute window?\u2019 There was an awkward pause for a couple of seconds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I broke the silence. \u2018Are we limited to what\u2019s on display here, beneath the counter?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Pretty well that\u2019s it, yes. We can get you drinks of course.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We both ordered pre-made egg and bacon burgers and hot drinks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As we sat at our table far enough away from the staff so that they could not hear us, we both laughed out loud. Ken reflected that he felt he had just been a part of a Monty Python skit. I said it made me think of Catch 22.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The question that was burning in both our minds was obvious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Why on earth did she give us the menu?\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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