A little wooden boat bobs restlessly in the inky sea. The starless sky offers no relief. Blackness descends and closes in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A figure in the boat looks around fruitlessly. Her name is Vida.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s no sign of shore, no leading lights. She imagines the shore must be straight ahead of her, the way the boat is facing. Then a grip of fear, as she swings around to look over her shoulder again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut what if it\u2019s that way? And I\u2019m drifting further away from safety.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A shadowy mass approaches from above. A demon perhaps? Or Death? Has Death come to claim her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The mass becomes brighter as it draws closer. It sheds a dim light over the little boat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWho are you?\u201d asks Vida.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA friend,\u201d says a deep and melodious voice that bypasses her ears and speaks directly into her mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you going to join me in the boat?\u201d Vida asks the light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI will not join you, for then I too will be lost in the darkness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why are you here? Why come to torment me? You have the power of light but you won\u2019t share it! How do I find my way back to land?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll find your way, when you stop looking for the closest shore. Maybe where you belong is not in front of you, maybe it\u2019s behind, maybe it\u2019s far, far away.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan\u2019t you save me? Can\u2019t you at least tell me which way to go?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI cannot join you, I cannot save you. I cannot tell you which way to go. Rest in the darkness. Rest for as long as it takes for your eyes to see light again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow did I get here?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t remember? Your heart was broken too many times and your soul shut down your senses to try to save you. Your soul brought you to the darkness. The world was too bright for you. Too much noise, and light and movement.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vida notices that the sea has calmed and the boat has stopped moving. The temperature is completely neutral on her skin. There are no sounds other than the gentle voice of the being above her boat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAm I in a void?\u201d She asks in a panic again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou ask too many questions,\u201d the voice says kindly. \u201cSit with your darkness. Let your heart mourn until it can begin to heal. Only then will your eyes see the light that is all around you, and your soul can return.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The being moves away, creating a strange vacuum in the air around Vida and the boat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She closes her eyes to the darkness, and invites her soul to awaken. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vida cries. At first silent tears, then a great wracking, keening howling comes from deep within her. Lower than her solar plexus, lower than her stomach. The grief comes from below her belly button, her uterus. It’s her womb that mourns and weeps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After three days the boat is half filled with her tears. The shock causes Vida to stop crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI could stay here. I could stay, let the boat fill with my tears and then sink to the bottom of the blackness,\u201d she thinks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Vida recalls the kind voice of the being and even in her despair she knows she wants to find a way out of here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vida closes her eyes again, but this time to sleep. Exhausted from her grief, she sleeps for six days. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When she wakes there\u2019s a dim, grey light, on the water, like a winter\u2019s dawn. She is buoyed to discover she is not in the ocean at all, but on a vast lake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The shore doesn\u2019t look too far away, and in her mind, she knows which way she should head. Even so, Vida knows it will take her quite some time to reach it. A time to begin healing enough to be able to leave her boat. And then more time to invite her soul to return and to restore her back to life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vida leans over the edge of the little wooden boat and dips her hand in the water. It feels cool and silky and warm all at the same time. She stays like this for a while, and for just a moment the slightest softening reaches her eyes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A little wooden boat bobs restlessly in the inky sea. The starless sky offers no relief. Blackness descends and closes in. A figure in the …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":3419,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[9,199,321,320,198,8,323,319,11,322,10],"class_list":["post-3417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stories","tag-amanda-gambas","tag-grief","tag-grieving","tag-healing","tag-loss","tag-mountain-ash-chapter","tag-parable","tag-sadness","tag-story","tag-surreal","tag-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pff1uY-T7","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1442,"url":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=1442","url_meta":{"origin":3417,"position":0},"title":"This one time I thought I was going to die at sea","author":"Amanda Gambas","date":"June 24, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"The Florida morning is warm and the sea is calm. 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