{"id":2569,"date":"2022-09-28T14:36:25","date_gmt":"2022-09-28T04:36:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=2569"},"modified":"2022-09-28T14:41:44","modified_gmt":"2022-09-28T04:41:44","slug":"a-very-serious-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=2569","title":{"rendered":"A Very Serious Conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Builder: \u2026Yup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: Sorry, I know it\u2019s late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: \u2026Yup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: It\u2019s just, I was thinking\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: Is this about the conservatory?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: No no, I\u2019ve moved on from the conservatory idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: The hidden staircase? The bedroom wall moved another four inches?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: Ha, no, it\u2019s just about the windows. I was thinking \u2013 well, worrying actually\u2026 The windows downstairs, is there some kind of, I don\u2019t know, steel mesh? Bars or something?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: They\u2019re windows. They have to be transparent. So you can see out of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: I know, I\u2019m just thinking about\u2026 security, or something. What if someone breaks in?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: Are you expecting to be burgled?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: Not exactly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: This isn\u2019t really a high crime-rate area.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: Yeah, but\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: \u2026 What about, you know\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: \u2026 No\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: \u2026 Zombies?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: I mean obviously zombies would be unexpected, but that\u2019s the thing about unexpected things, they happen when you don\u2019t expect them, and what if the zombie apocalypse hits? How do we secure the property then?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: I mean obviously we\u2019re already up the mountain and it\u2019s to be hoped that most zombies won\u2019t go to the effort of crawling all the way up just to feast on a sparsely populated area, but if they do then how do we prevent entry from hostile entities?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: I mean obviously I guess it depends on whether they\u2019re the slow ambling corpse zombies like Shaun of the Dead, or, like, the super-fast rage zombies like Hamish McBeth or World War Z.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: I don\u2019t know. I guess\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: They\u2019re double-glazed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: What?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: Your windows are double-glazed to meet the energy efficiency requirements. That\u2019s two layers of toughened glass. I\u2019m not saying you can\u2019t get through them, but you\u2019d need a sledgehammer and a lot of time. The fast zombies probably won\u2019t have the focus to wield a sledgehammer at the same spot for twenty minutes. And the slow zombies won\u2019t have the energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: Oh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: I\u2019d be more into securing your perimeter. Put up some fences, big gates. It might not stop every zombie but it will slow down the hordes, and then it\u2019s easier for you to pick them off one by one. The ideal spot would be in the elevated roof section. At the moment, the designs have it facing only one way, but it would easy enough to cut through that section of the roof and then you\u2019d have three-sixty degrees of motion for a machine gun, take out the zombies before they even reach your windows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: But what if we do get hordes? What if the rage zombies just beat through our windows with their bodies instead of a sledgehammer?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: In that case your best bet would be to dig a moat around the primary residence, clearing the exterior walls by a minimum of five feet, fill it with diesel and light it on fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: Huh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: The boys would love it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: That\u2019s true. But not environmental. I suppose if the zombie apocalypse had already taken out a substantial chunk of the human population, Yarra Ranges Council might not be enforcing environmental standards any longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: I bet they would though. If you do decide to go down the moat route, you have to let me know before I finish up with the excavator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me: Fair enough. Goodnight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Builder: Goodnight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Want to know what else happens on the mountain? Read more about Mountain life here; https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?cat=4<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did you know World War Z is probably Brad Pitt’s only zombie movie? Check it out here; https:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt0816711\/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Builder: \u2026Yup. Me: Sorry, I know it\u2019s late. Builder: \u2026Yup. Me: It\u2019s just, I was thinking\u2026 Builder: Is this about the conservatory? Me: No no, …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2570,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[178,52,176,8,177,175,174],"class_list":["post-2569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mountain-life","tag-building","tag-elissa-mckay","tag-home-defence","tag-mountain-ash-chapter","tag-renovations","tag-world-war-z","tag-zombies"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/henry-co-3coKbdfnAFg-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=2560%2C1707&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pff1uY-Fr","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3645,"url":"https:\/\/mountainashchapter.com.au\/?p=3645","url_meta":{"origin":2569,"position":0},"title":"The Unelusive Louis","author":"Kylie Eklund-Denman","date":"July 11, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"I have just returned from my very first trip to France. 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