My hands glide up his back, across his freckled shoulders and down his flanks to just above his boxers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Repeat a few times, getting in sync with Angelique Kidjo\u2019s haunting version of Malaika. I\u2019ve played this beautiful Tanzanian song so many times I have to stop myself singing along in Swahili. This is why I usually only play instrumental music. No-one, absolutely no-one wants to hear me singing to them in any language.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoes anyone ever ask you for a special ending?\u201d he asks. His voice is slightly muffled from the face hole in the table. But the words are as sharp as a blade into my psyche.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOnly guys,\u201d I say, \u201cwhen they ask if anyone ever asks for a special ending.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t think he gets it. Or he thinks I don\u2019t get it. So, he tries another tack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou know, like a happy ending? Rub \u2018n\u2019 Tug? Like does anyone ever ask you for that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI understand what you\u2019re saying. The answer is no, no-one would ever ask me that.\u201d I give a little laugh to show I\u2019m not offended and to pretend I didn\u2019t think that\u2019s what he was asking me to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s only ever men who ask that particular question. I don\u2019t see it as curiosity. They\u2019re not curious about any other aspects of my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I decide against massaging his glutes with oil and instead leave the towel over his buttocks and sink my elbow into his piriformis muscle. Otherwise known as that spot that makes you squirm just a bit. Guys like this think No Pain No Gain. If he can\u2019t get his happy ending then he wants it to at least hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019ve already had the Pain Threshold discussion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou can go harder if you want!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah, I\u2019m just warming up your muscles first. I\u2019ll go deeper once they\u2019re more relaxed. Otherwise I find the muscle fibres just want to tighten up more to protect themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I try to keep the explanation simple, not too much biology or physiology and not too much woo woo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOk, well I\u2019ll tell you I have a pretty high pain threshold.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMmm, my aim isn\u2019t really to cause pain. But I promise I\u2019ll get right in there soon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oiling up his legs now. I roll the towel so I can stick a great wad of it between his upper thighs, so there\u2019s no chance of my hands getting anywhere near what he wants tugging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, do you like doing massages?\u201d He asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not this question again! There\u2019s really no correct answer for this question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I obviously can\u2019t come back with \u201cno I don\u2019t like it\u201d can I? I mean how uncomfortable would they feel then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I but I feel uncomfortable saying \u201cOh yes, I love it!\u201d It just sounds creepy. Like I\u2019m getting enjoyment from having my hands all over his body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ll usually try to sidestep the question a bit by explaining that it\u2019s really only a small part of what I do so it\u2019s good to have some variety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, so what else do you do?\u201d OK, so observation isn\u2019t this guy\u2019s strong suit. The decor of my clinic room, qualifications on the wall and various strange looking implements have been overlooked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m a Doctor of Chinese Medicine.\u201d I rarely use my formal title but people like this need to learn a bit of respect. I didn\u2019t spend five years full time at University to be a hooker. I don\u2019t get any though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cErr what\u2019s that mean? You don\u2019t look Chinese.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sigh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAcupuncture, herbal medicine, lots of other things.\u201d I really don\u2019t like chatting much during a treatment. It\u2019s a distraction from what I\u2019m doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOooh, what\u2026 like sticking needles into people?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYep.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you know the Death Point?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sigh again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you see that in some Kung Fu movie?\u201d I ask. Of course he did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I suggest that he stops talking, so he gets a better result from his massage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can now concentrate on what the body is telling me rather than answering questions. Once I start to really focus I make some discoveries about the cause of his discomfort and set about doing a proper therapeutic massage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the massage is over, he looks happy, regardless of not getting everything he wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWow, that actually feels great!\u201d he says with a bit too much surprise, his red face beaming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, what do you think? Lots of knots there?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I confirm that his muscles were tight and suggest that magnesium can really help to relax them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNah, I hate taking pills and anyway I eat lots of bananas.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah, that\u2019s more of a potassium thing than magnesium, but it\u2019s up to you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He says he\u2019ll call me next time he needs a massage. He won\u2019t. He\u2019ll find someone with no formal qualifications that can give him a slap and tickle. Or what was it he said? A rub \u2018n’ tug.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The final insult was asking me if I took cash? \u201cI don\u2019t need an invoice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My turn to play dumb again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes of course.\u201d And then charge him the full amount.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So little respect. Would he ask a Physio or Chiropractor if they could do a \u201ccashie?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After he leaves I spend extra time washing my hands and arms and cleaning up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hear a car pull up and check my schedule. Oh good, it\u2019s one of my lovely regulars. No awkward questions. Honest feedback about how things are going. They trust me to use a variety of tools and techniques to get a therapeutic result. I spend longer explaining how or why certain things work. What they can do to help between visits. I\u2019m back on solid ground and the session feels symbiotic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I remember why I love my job so much. It is indeed a happy ending to my day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n